Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
