Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Never underestimate the power of titties
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
