Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
BRING THE BAGELS
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
