Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
