It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
