Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize