Me too!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize