When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
