addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
