wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
