he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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