Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
