i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
honey bunches of taint.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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