Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
