you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Randomize
