Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I could fuck to npr.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
