yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
