Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
