Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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