Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
