We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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