i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Church boner. Awkwardddd
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize