I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
