She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
