I faked an abortion last night.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
