You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
