were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
