At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I want to be your penis for a week.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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