I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
