Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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