Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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