My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
