I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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