I need help removing her.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i need some magic done to my vagina
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize