In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
