look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize