i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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