get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
