her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize