the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i believe in u and ur pee
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
