sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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