the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize