I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The ass gains better be worth it
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