and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
