Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
