i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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