I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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