I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So much rum. So many feels.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
