so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
