I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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