if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
