This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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