peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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