all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
