It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
