she sounds like chewbacca in bed
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize