She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
