I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
