when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
