If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
