I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
