Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize