Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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