I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
