Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
