he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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