The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
