OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
