I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
