Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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