When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
