I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
