I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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