Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
