me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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