Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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