I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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