My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
